There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
