These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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