he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
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