Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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