I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
The power of my boobs compel you
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
