I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
