Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
we're so committed to being not committed
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
