I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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