I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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