no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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