your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
