Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
