eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
