I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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