So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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