dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
