I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
