I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
My liver just had a heart attack.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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