I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
