that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize