my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
