the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
