I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize