She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
