Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
