Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
you will always have a special place in my vag
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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