Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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