oh god the rape fog is back!
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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