I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
