i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
organizing the empties. That sober.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
