We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
