JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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