then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize