she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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