Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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