You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
