I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
