jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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