I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
do herpes really smell.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
