then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
