So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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