he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
So many bounce houses so little time
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
