I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
