your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
