Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize