I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
