we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
