he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize