If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
