Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
