ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
