We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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