hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
