I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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