I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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