Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I look better un-naked...
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
