I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Randomize
