Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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