I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
