i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
