You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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