Pappa wants mamma naked
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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