Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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