Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
