Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
