Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
