Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
