I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I wish they made helmets for livers.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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