i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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