Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
